It's my life laugh if you must.

1. Not pregnant. This was found out after I took a home PG test. Some words of advise. Make sure you completely read the directions and save yourself a heart attack. Do not assume that just because the EPT tests read one way that all PG tests read that way.

2. U/S scheduled for 6/9 to find out what is up with the plumbing. Hopefully nothing because lord knows plumbers charge you and arm and a leg to fix your pipes. If worse comes to worse I will just have them yank the whole system. Don't need it anymore anyway. Just taking up space that could be better used for storage. Might keep my winter clothes in there.

3. Finally got my period this morning. While normally that is greeted with " oh GOD I hate being a girl", this morning it was greeted with " So nice to see you finally showed. GPS not working?"

blog about it. Here is my disclaimer, I am going to write about something that is pretty controversial. It is something that is going on with a family member and what I am thinking I can not say to her face. Well let me re-phrase that, I can not say to her face right now but if she asks me what I am thinking she had better be prepared.

I have a cousin who has a grown daughter who is 19 and away at college. After she gave birth to her daughter she swore she was never having another child. In fact when the Dr asked her if she was planning on having more children her exact words were " Fuck no". Since then she has had two abortions due to "accidents" She is pg now and is on the fence about keeping the baby. OK I can understand that emotion but when you are almost 5 months pregnant I think that ship has sailed.

The baby's father, or who she thinks is the father, is a drunk. They are currently on the outs and she is trying to come up with ways to keep him from seeing the child. Maybe she should have thought about that before she got pregnant.

I just do not understand why she did not get fixed 19 yrs ago when she had her daughter. She was so adamant about not having anymore children than why not make damn sure it is not going to happen? Condoms and BC are not 100% full proof. I am seriously thinking about having the family pull together to pay for her to get her tubes tied. Not the normal shower gift to give but I think it is what she needs to most.

More than anything I am so upset at her flip attitude about the baby. She has said more that once that if it tested positive for Downs she was having an abortion. I do not see how she can do that being just shy of 5 months pregnant. Does she not realize there are tons of families out there that would be more than happy to adopt her baby not matter what? She is more than half way through the pregnancy why end it now? I actually had to leave the room when she made that statement because if I would have stayed I would have used words that I swore I would never use in my Grandmother's home.

The whole family is in an uproar about the situation. At least my cousin has been smart about one thing. She has not asked anyone what their opinion of the situation is. She knows better.

OK here are my symptoms. Before you yell I have already call the triage nurse at my GYNO and I am waiting to hear back.

1. 2 weeks ago irregular bleeding about the time of O. Had sex on 5/4. Yes only time we have had sex all month SHUT UP CARIE!

2. Cramping on and off since then.

3. Strange pain in right thigh for about 2 weeks.

4. Had Essure procedure June of 07.


Your thoughts?

Why do I constantly get emails asking if I would like a cleaner colon? Nope thanks it is slick as a whistle now.

Penis enhancement? No the thought has never crossed my mind.

Work from home? Thanks already do.

Get 135,987,997 dollars from a foreign country? Wow really, do I get this in monopoly or The Game of Life money?

So and so thinks you are cute. Yep so does my husband and kids.

Cheaper car insurance. Wow you really give car insurance to someone with no license and 12 DUI's? ( Just kidding that isn't me but I am pretty damn sure they did not pull my DMV record prior to sending me that email)

These are just a few samples of the 900,000 spam emails I get a day. Just think of all the time these people have wasted sending me this crap. It would have been time better spent surfing for porn. I kid I kid!

That was until we found out the our old door would not fit in the new opening. CRAP!!!!!

A little background, last year we replaced the exterior door off of our family room with a nice new sliding glass door. We decided to be good little tree hugger's and recycle the old door by using it to replace the old door off of our laundry room. I nagged DH this morning that today would be a wonderful day to get that job completed. So DH started to remove the old door, He tore out the old casement to find, that the freaking opening is only 36 inches. SHIT!@!!!! The needed opening is 37.5 inches. OK I refrained from pointing out to my husband that this should have been something he checked, gee I don't know, before he started demolition. He is now dropping Thing 1 off at baseball practice and heading to our second home, known to most of you as Lowe's, to purchase a new backdoor.

I'll post photos of the new door,or as I will refer to it as, the gentle reminder that DH should measure things first, once it has been installed.

I had to fill the automobile that will now be referred to as the gas guzzling, college fund draining, not going to be able to retire till I am 90 piece of shit, this morning. Want to know how much it cost me? $100 freaking hard earned dollars. Does it make me less of a woman that I wheeped while I pumped?

Where I live, the butt crack of the Midwest, gas is currently at 3.99 per gallon. The little town I was in the gas price was 3.88. I stopped and filled up immediately. That 11 cents can make all of the difference in the world. The savings might actually buy a loaf of bread unless that price rises also.

I found an website gasbuddy.com . This site can help you find low gas prices in the US and Canada. With gas prices at their current organ selling price, every little bit of information is crucial. I checked the site out and was able to find a few stations in the area that were at 3.89.

With prices at an all time high it pays to shop around. This site gives you the opportunity to check things out thoroughly before you go fill up. This can save you pain and agony at the pump as well as crying like a two yr old who's favorite blankey has been lost.

Not sure if the NyQuil has affected my brain or it is just old age but I have had the most obscure songs going through my head today. It is like elevator music for the mentally disturbed. Here is just a sample of what is playing in my head.

"Low" By Flo Rida and T-Pain.
"Shorty had them apple bottom jeans (jeans)
Boots with the fur (with the fur)
The whole club was lookin' at her
She hit the flo' (she hit the flo')
Next thing you know
Shorty got low low low low low low low low
Them baggy sweat pants
And the reebox with the straps (with the straps)
She turned around and gave that big booty a slap (heeey)
She hit the flo' (she hit the flo')
Next thing you know
Shorty got low low low low low low low low"

Doesn't this just sound like something a 35 yr old should be signing?

"I wanna talk about me" by Toby Keith. Self-centered much?

"Breathe" by Michelle Branch Not really anything about this song I can pick fun at. It is age appropriate and not very comical.

"Who let the dogs out?" Baha Men This is stuck for a lifetime because Thing 2 sings it when he lets the dog out.... ha ha ha shoot me please.